Here Again for the First Time at Last

This is from January 12, 2008. Lately, it feels like I have arrived here again.

Here Again for the First Time at Last

Is it possible to fill our lives with important nothingness? Does the journey to nowhere begin with a single step too? Is the path toward wisdom and enlightenment merely an illusion to satisfy ego?

Lately, I am mired in a journey of nothingness, and what is most startling is that I feel like I’m making progress. I go on my own thinking of people not present, satisfied that an absent companion is better than no companion at all. Every step I take is filled with the feeling that ‘I’m here again for the first time at last’. Am I actually comfortable being nobody of any importance mired in nothingness with no direction to go?

I’m beginning to recognize the strength of passive resistance to always becoming something different. Many speak that life is about enjoying the journey, not arriving, that life is about “becoming.” Perhaps wisdom resides in that thought, but strength lies in being, not becoming. Concrete must harden, steel must cool, a flower must bloom and the thunderbird must nest to find its true strength. Becoming must at some point give way to being.

So here I am, again, for the first time, at last. If every moment were filled with such certainty I would be infinitely strong.

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