There’s this thing that keeps happening to me in Tucson, and it’s quite the conundrum because it hasn’t happened anywhere else quite like this. People dispose of me from their lives. They dispose of other people too, so I know it isn’t just me. It’s never about me. I’m just the latest who asked a question that triggered something they didn’t want to deal with, triggered their inner dictator who they connected to me. They dispose of me thinking they are deposing their inner dictator, but the dictator is still there…being quiet for a while.
I wonder if this is a ‘Tucson’ thing or if it is a sign of the times..a social media thing. A person can be disposed of at the click of a fake button on the internet. So much power in one little finger, and there’s another person out there that will fall into the role of ‘friend’, filling a hole where the pain gets in. A new friend to keep their mind from wandering because it will eventually go where they don’t want, and awaken the inner dictator to be deposed again.
There’s another strangeness I’ve seen here in Tucson where one date or a few dates means ‘going steady’ even if there has been no talk of being exclusive. People get a new love interest and immediately transfer all their issues from the last relationship over to them. They dispose of the actual person and impose another one over them. They act as familiar in three weeks as they were with someone else in three years. It’s like a tyranny of familiarity. The couple becomes a single entity; each person ceases to be an individual and becomes a placeholder for ‘the perfect mate’. It’s a fantasy not to be spoiled by getting real.
Relationships run their course. How you treat your friends is a reflection of how you treat the divergent parts of yourself. I learned a long time ago not to ‘therapize’ to my friends. Yet for some reason, I’ve been letting people therapize to me. That’s where the trouble starts. Even if you ignore the influx of information, the over-sharing, the boundary pushing and retreats only to push a boundary again, they are still ‘dumping’ on you.
Being disposed of isn’t a bad thing. I try to see it as a favor. Maybe the other person will get the professional help they need, maybe they won’t. It’s really not about me so I try not to take it personally. I try to remember the good times, but inevitably it feels like time to move on. I hope I’ve finally learned that sometimes stepping back and remaining ‘blind’ is the best way to keep things friendly. Who was it who said that the cost of sanity is this world is a certain level of alienation?